Tuesday

I woke up this morning around 8am and I was in so much pain that I really could not move at all. Everything was either flaring in pain or completely numb. I couldn’t even grab my phone to see what time it was until about ten minutes after I opened my eyes.

I went back to sleep for a few more hours because I wasn’t ready to face more pain.

I tried to get up and man, when I swung my legs out of the bed, I almost fell on my ass. There was no feeling in my right leg (my bad leg). I hobbled my way to the bathroom and perched myself on the toilet lid to smoke my morning cig.

My morning cig turned into about three. I texted my husband to tell him I was in pain. I know he is getting tired of hearing me complain. I don’t tell him to complain. I tell him because he is my husband and I want to let him know how I feel.

I told him that I needed to go to the store but I didn’t feel like it because of how much I hurt. I told him I could hardly lift my arms up and didn’t think I could even bend them behind my back to put a bra on.

I forced myself to get dressed. I did not put a bra on. I just couldn’t. I could barely get my legs up enough to put them in my pants.

I checked on Mini and he was still sleeping so then I left. I went to Starbucks first and drove around for a few minutes. I did not take an Ativan yet so I was still panicky about going in a store. Dollar General had too many cars in the lot. Family Dollar’s parking lot was empty so I went in there.

You should’ve seen me trying to get the bags in the house. By the time I put them on the counter I didn’t even have strength to put them away. They are still on the counter.

Mini still wasn’t up yet and it was almost 1pm. I just lie down on the bed and wrote two poems.

Here I am. Bored. Aggravated. Depressed.

There’s really nothing wrong with today. Nothing went wrong and it’s quiet and peaceful but I just have so much pain and too many things on my mind. It sucks.

I want to work some more on my office but there’s no way I can sit on the floor and work on the boxes. Again… SUCKS!!

Maybe another update later.

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