Well, I somehow survived another one. I needed coffee today. Even though I am hiding out in my room and not talking to my husband (except by text), he made a pot of coffee.
This is a big deal. He doesn’t drink coffee ever and doesn’t even know how to make it. I drink iced coffee and at least he tried.
He didn’t put nearly as much coffee as he should have and it ended up tasting like coffee milk (overall milk taste with only a small hint of coffee) and it tasted pretty gross. I drank it anyway and even asked for more.
He cooked burgers on the grill and had Mini bring food to me. But I still won’t come out. Every time I try to stand up or I look in the mirror I get even more depressed. I’m aged far too much for my real age. I have the bones of an elderly person and hurt so badly.
And then all I see when I look in the mirror is FAT!!!
My husband still insists that I am beautiful to him but there’s no way that I believe him.
I’m a fat, ugly, disabled freak who has several mental illnesses.
I need to take a shower and I have no motivation or energy to do so. I can’t tell you the last time I had one. I would take a bubble bath but my disabled knees won’t let me.
I give up trying to fight it. I just hate myself more than anyone really knows.