I wish I was manic today. lol I’m just a bump on the log and was up all last night. I didn’t go to sleep until 8am this morning and then I slept until 11:40am.
I woke up feeling worse than I have felt in months. I seriously feel as though a semi rolled over me a few times and then went back to make sure I was flat.
My neck and shoulders hurt so much that I can’t hold my head up or sit up straight. So I’ve been horizontal most of the day.
Damn! My three day migraine came to a screaming head this morning and I had no other choice but to try to take control of it by taking a Relpax and some Aleve. It worked but it took two hours to do so.
All I did today was work here in the blog, read, and smoke. It’s hard to do anything when you have to lie down just right so your neck doesn’t send flares of pain up and down your spine. (Bulged discs)
Mini called me and we talked for an hour. He was digging through Legos the whole time so it was so very loud. He feels much better about being there today. That’s good!
He still kept saying he loves and misses me over and over and over. It feels good to be loved and missed! 🙂
I did end up coming out of my room last night. around midnight I went into the living room and lie down next to my husband. That led to sex but I’m not complaining. LOL
I didn’t take anything to cook out for today. I just couldn’t move around and now hubs comes home and takes steaks out the freezer to thaw. I tell him that makes me feel like shit knowing he worked all day and has to come home and cook too. He says he doesn’t mind and he wants to. So I guess I’m eating a steak sandwich tonight.
Nothing much else to write about. I still feel depressed and down about myself and my appearance. Yes, I think I am fat and ugly. I won’t change my mind until I see something else when I look into the mirror.
I’m still feeling lost and not very hopeful or positive. I do think about being positive but then my depression kicks right back in and tells me to shut the fuck up and think negatively. The depression usually wins.
God, I need to see my therapist and my psych. My therapist is on vacation right now and I don’t see her until August 1st. My psych appointment got moved up to July 31st. I will be awaiting these two dates with much anticipation.
I got into a mini argument with a gal on a Facebook group today. Someone was asking the difference between psychs, psychologists, and counselors. I answered as informatively as I could and I told a little information about my own experiences with my therapist and psych.
Well, one girl chimes in saying that it must be nice to have money. I can only assume it was directed at me. I calmly told her that yes it is expensive and no I’m not rich and we basically live paycheck to paycheck but I need to keep on top of my mental health to survive. She apparently didn’t like my answer so she took another stab at me. I then, left the thread.
Everyone is different. Something that works for me may be the complete opposite of what works for someone else. Some need more treatment than others. Some need meds and others don’t. It’s not something set in stone saying if you want this then you need to do this.
I also explained that as well and was still faced with snide remarks. There’s nothing I hate more than an unintelligible person who has a blind and narrow thinking ability. When they can’t even spell words correctly and type in text speak, I shouldn’t even waste my time. Now I know.
Hopefully my replies could help explain things better for some. If not, so be it.
I’m getting sleepy lying here. My eyes keep fluttering and I keep hitting my chest when the phone slips down from my hands. At least it’s not going to hit me in my head. That’s always unpleasant.
I think I will go smoke another cig and lie back down. I just took an Ativan to calm my hyper ass down. Hopefully I can nap lightly.