I Got Out of the House Today!

I was texting with my sister and I just decided to go to the store. It’s was odd because I usually have to force myself to go out.

I got some groceries and had ManBoy bring them in and then I took a short drive to clear my head and listen to some music.

I look like crap but it didn’t bother me. I just threw a T and a pair of jeans on and went.

Tomorrow ManBoy has his therapy appointment at 11:15am and I don’t feel like going in with him but the therapist requests that I do.

Since he is new to therapy she had said that she wants me present for the first few sessions. I don’t want to be in his therapy sessions. I don’t think it will truly help him to have mommy in there with him.

I know I love my therapy and one of the reasons why is because it’s one on one and I don’t have to worry about what we talk about getting out to anyone else.

Oh well, I will go anyway. I’m not washing my hair and I’m just leaving it up in a bun so I look like crap. I’m not trying to impress anyone at a therapy session. lol

So, I came out of the room yesterday but I’ve been in it all day today. I went back to sleep around 10am and slept until about 1pm or so. I can’t remember.

I woke up with texts from my sister and husband and then had a phone call that I needed to take.

I’m actually ready to get back in bed. I wouldn’t complain if all I did the rest of the night was sleep.

I bought pizzas to cook for dinner and I have to go get those in the oven soon. Hubs will be home by 6pm.

I feel like I am floating. I hear voices and a fan-like noise in my head but everything still sounds muffled like I am underwater.

I heard a song on the radio and now it is on repeat in my head. I hate when that happens because it’s just one verse that is played over and over again.

Someone did that to me yesterday too. Someone posted the lyrics to a Rage Against the Machine song and I had that one hook stuck in my head until just now. It’s just so annoying.

I love listening to music but most often my brain latches onto a verse and it drives me bonkers.

I’m sitting here smoking and thinking about those pizzas and I don’t even want to get up to put them in the oven. I feel like listening to music with my eyes closed.

That song my sister sent to me earlier really got me thinking of my current situation with my depression and dark thoughts and all.

I love the song and it does just what the song says- it gives me hope. But I keep forgetting about that hope. My depression thinks it’s bigger than any hope I may have.

My emotions go manic and then right back to depressive. Being depressed is my normal mood and that just sucks. 😦

Sometimes I wish I would stay with mania for at least a week or so just so I can feel better about myself and tell this depression bye bye for a bit. I don’t see mania anywhere in sight, unfortunately.

Okay, I’ve stalled long enough. Time to go put the pizzas in the oven.


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