Tuesday is No Different

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I’m still depressed and do not have much to say or write. I’m getting by today with the most minimalistic of things that I need to do (mainly making sure Mini is okay and fed).

Been in bed all day again. Mini naps followed by intrusive thoughts and fitful tossing and turning.

Hallucinations and delusions are back. I think someone is out to get me. I’ve felt a presence since Sunday and I can’t shake the feeling off. It is really getting harder and harder for me to leave my house and now I’m only feeling safe in my room but even in my room it seems I’m getting scared.

This morning I looked at my phone and saw that while I was sleeping my phone had sent unintelligible texts to my husband. There were two of them. One was a bunch of n’s and the other read “eR-next”. I did NOT send these because I know I was sleeping when the time stamp shows that they were sent. There was no one else in the room with me and the door was locked. My phone also has a four digit passcode on it. So how did this happen??

This still has me spooked. I’m scared to turn the light off now.

I haven’t been eating and I find myself thirsty as hell. I haven’t taken a shower in over a week. I have no energy. I just sit or lie down here for hours doing nothing. I feel like I am not myself. I’m just a shell and I feel nothing. I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel sad. I just don’t feel anything at all.

That’s depression. That’s me. That’s my fucked up life and I’m tired of it.

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