I have been in bed the past two days with just a general sadness and in a low-grade depressive state but it is increasing pretty fast. I’ve been crying for no reason and thinking about not waking up from my sleep.
I’m still thinking about all that I wrote about last time. I feel like a big loser, a failure… Just nothing with no purpose in life.
Now, any noise whatsoever has me screaming for them to shut the fuck up and I run back to the bed crying with my head under my pillow.
The noises in my head are so loud right now that when I hear outside noise I just can’t take it. I’m not mad at anyone except myself. I’m just disgusted with myself. I really do just want to sleep it all away. They don’t need me. They’ve all gotten along fine without me for the past two days.
So what do I bring to the table? Depression, sadness, unhappiness, ugliness, a general negative presence. Who needs that?
The door isn’t locked this time but no one has bothered to come in but that shows right there that I don’t matter. No one cares.
Why should I?