Sigh

I had a long and bad week. It felt like it took forever to come to an end. I’m so stressed out and my mind hasn’t stopped. The static is so loud and consistent. Any outside noise makes me so jittery and anxious. I can’t focus. I get words or phrases stuck in my head and they seem to be on a continuous loop playing and replaying and replaying… And it’s more than one voice doing it. It’s like three of them all talking over each other. I can’t hear my own thoughts. I just want it to stop.

My biggest stressor right now is my mama. I’m very worried about her. She’s fine one minute and then a complete mess the next. I wish I could just make her stop thinking about my dad and his fucking affair but that’s not going to happen and I honestly don’t think it’s possible while she has to live through it and see him leave and be gone hours off/out with his whore.

But she calls me so many times a day to tell me the same things. I know she’s lonely and needs someone to talk to but I don’t feel like hearing about my daddy. I think he’s a rat bastard and God will get him in his own time.

I’m trying to be encouraging to her. I try to tell her to focus on her health and beating this cancer. I keep telling her to let it go and stop arguing with my daddy. Arguing with him only is making her heart break more, pissing him off, making her cry, and making it harder for them to even live together. God, I wish it would just all come to an end.

I don’t feel like talking about it anymore. Now I’m in a worse mood. 😦

No much else going on. I talked to one of my old bosses Friday. I’m trying to see if I can get a part time job. They have a part time admin position open so I have to pray now that the other boss lets me have it. I don’t think that one likes me very much so I guess I just have to wait it out and see.

That’s all for now.

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