It’s been a few days but it seems like it has been weeks since I last wrote. I can’t even remember all that happened. All I know that for the most part of it it was just me and hubs and that nothing special happened. No fireworks. No dates. Just more of my going to bed earlier and earlier so I didn’t really have to deal too much with him.
Brandan came home right in the middle of that and we spent some time together but mostly he stayed on the phone with his girlfriend. She came over yesterday. She’s a sweet girl very cute. I like her because she has a car, she comes from a good family and goes to a good school. It’s a stark difference from what brandan lined himself up with before. I think this one will make him happy.
Brandan found his missing wallet!! It wasn’t stolen as we previously thought it was! It was in my glove box in the car! So this means one less thing to take care of. Now to just tackle his State ID which is going to be the hard one anyway. I’m still stressing over that. I still don’t see how you need an ID to get an ID. I understand they want to make absolute sure you are who you say you are but not everyone has an ID. What about them?
I think that I am still losing weight. I put a pair of pant that are in a smaller size on and didn’t have any trouble getting them on. They pulled right up instead of my having to dance around in them to make it over my hips and ass. This makes me happy. I won’t get on the scale ar home though. I wait for my monthly weigh in at the psych appointment.
I picked up my Mini on Saturday. I missed him and was glad to have him back. Brandan took the drive with me so it was nice having the two hour chance to spend time with him talking and listening to music. You should have seen how happy he was when he went to put his head phones in the glove box and found that wallet. He was jumping in the car, doing a little dance and tapping me on the arm with it!! He kept going on about it for miles and miles. LOL
When we picked up Mini, he ran to give Brandan a hug first and then I got one. I swear every time he comes back from there he looks like he’s grown an inch or two. lol
The drive home felt shorter than the drive there thank god! I was tired of driving. I came home and napped as usual.
Yesterday was Easter and we didn’t do anything at all. I slept late. When I woke up I gave Mini his Basket. He was happy with the candy and the Pokemon cards. Courtney was here as I said above so I got to meet her. Hubs somehow pissed me off and I don’t even remember how so I went to lie back down again but then I remember I had to play chaperone so I got up and opened Brandan’s door and told them to keep it open and he knew the drill. I guess once hubs came home I went back to sleep. I can’t even remember. Yesterday really was a blur. Oh! I remember now. It was over coffee. I wanted coffee and Courtney was parked behind me. He said for me to make coffee at home. I went in the kitchen to make some and I couldn’t get the ice out of the trays (this is a normal thing and he never helps me. It hurts my wrist to try to get them all out). The most I can get out are about 2-3 from each tray and he won’t come help me get them all out and then he bitches at me because the trays are “half” empty. So I couldn’t make coffee. I told him that I will just take his truck and he (I knew it) said no that he was going to go to the store for bread and milk. I asked him if he could bring a coffee to me and he said no (of course). So after he left I banged on those trays until I had just enough ice to make a small coffee and I didn’t put the empty tray back. I didn’t fucking care. He thinks I’m playing when I say I need help. I put the ones I couldn’t get out back in the icebox and left the one empty one out. I have bad wrists with carpal tunnel. Does he care? Fuck no! I don’t think he cares about much at all when it comes to me actually.
I think he loves me but he doesn’t like me and all he wants me to do is learn how to clean his fucking house and have a home cooked meal on the table each day and give him sex whenever he wants it. That’s what I honestly think. Oh! Wait! I forgot. He wants all of this and for me to have a full or part time job as well. Well, I’m sorry. I can’t fucking give him much of that at all. Some of it I plain out don’t want to. I wish I did have a part time job so I had my own money and a life outside of these four ugly stifling walls for at least a part of my day. I can’t say it enough. I. Hate. This. Fucking. House. So. Much. It is a bane to me. It is my prison and I hate to clean it and most parts of it I absolutely refuse to clean it. Yeah I know my hubs works his ass off and is killing himself daily to pay the bills but I hate this house. This is not my house. I just live here. The house was filthy when I got here and I cleaned the whole thing a few times and no one appreciates it and they trashed it right back up again.
He hinted at me that I’m dirty last night and that set me off. He said my apartment was filthy. Excuse me?! No, it most certainly was not. The floors were always swept and mopped. I scrubbed the bathroom every week. The kitchen was small so there may have been dishes in the sink but that doesn’t make a house dirty. He tells me that my floors were always dirty and sticky and I had McDonald’s cups and bags all over and my trash was always overflowing and my floors were never swept or never mopped. That my kitchen was a mess with dishes in the sink and food on the counter. Yes, closed boxes of food snacks because my cabinet space was limited. If my apartment was so dirty then why do I wish every day that I was still living in it?? Every single day! I went to bed shortly after that because everything out of his mouth was a yes or no fight and I said your just like my day always having to have the last answer and I’m not playing anymore.
Such is my life. If I had a chance right now to walk out the door with my kids I would.