Regret

It is really sinking in and making me feel like the shittiest parent ever. I have the sinking feeling that I ruined my oldest son’s life. I let him quit school in tenth grade and he should be graduating this year. I have nothing but regret and hatred for myself right now. 

Why did I let him do this?  Why did I bring it up?  Why did I agree to it?  I mean what kind of parent just lets a 15/16 year old quit school and do nothing with his life for two years???  

I am so full of regret right now that I could beat myself up if it was physically possible. I’ve been worrying myself sick over his future for weeks now and it all goes back to the mistake that I made. The huge mistake that I made!!  

What the fuck did I do to this boy’s life?  He’s 18 now without a diploma, not in school, and has no job all because of ME!! Do you know how big of a cross that is to bear?  

I want to make it right somehow and I’m having a hard time trying to do so. I want him to go to school and get his GED and he said he wants to work instead but I see no effort or indication that he is looking for a job. What do I do? 

What do I do??

Regret… It will eat you alive…

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4 thoughts on “Regret

  1. You can’t fully blame yourself though! Ask yourself, would he have stayed in school if you forced him? I mean there is only so much you can do Ya know? He has to have his own motivation, too!! It’s not all your fault so you shouldn’t feel all the guilt! He wants to be an adult then he should be an adult and take responsibility of his life!

  2. True and thanks for the pep talk but I still feel like that was one of my jobs as a parent (to make sure my kids get a good education) and I failed that part. Hopefully I can get him to sign up for the summer GED classes.

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